sundays for nobodies

Published on May 2, 2004 By warrior monk In Life Journals

There's something about sundays that makes me feel apprehensive yet anticipating. For six months, I've always had the company of myself for sundays. Call it mere selfishness or just making up for the six days of socializing, I don't really care.
This is my first "public appearance & announcement" to the world that i am a nobody. I don't know what made me connect to the internet as soon as I woke up today. I arrived home at 5am and woke up at around 7am. I usually sleep for 8 hours but this time, I was not able to do so. SO, as soon as I realized I couldn't force myself for another round of sleep, my eyes instally were attracted to the computer just lying on the table beside my bed. I don't really know, and I've never done it before, but I was suddenly attracted to it with no specific reason whatsoever.
Presto, I was sitting and searched for the words "gay lifestyle philippines" in the internet. A lot of entries appeared and my interest was caught by two writings: the other one was a recollection and analysis of an american who witnessed how gay lifestyle is different from that of the US. One thing that really strikes me was how he described the gay nightlife in malate as nauseating. You know, I just went to Malate alone last night. I use to go there with my friends but last night, I had an early bout of being a nobody thus I wanted to enjoy my public privacy. I really see malate as very nauseating. It is a good hang out place for gays but its tiring.
Whew, I've mentioned the magic word here, at last. Yup, its so hard to get this word come out of my mouth, especially if its gonna stay in this site after uttering it. Weird, but i find it as an evidence that can be used for me later. hahaha. Well, part of being a nobody is to be able to say the things you can't say when you're a somebody.
The second site that got my interest I found on http://blobbetslife.blogspot.com/. I read some parts of blob's thoughts and reading him was very spontaneous. His web is titled LIFE AS IT SHOULD BE.. I specially like the bylines "for a life that you've wished for but didn't happen." He talks about being gay and i felt i have found a part of me in his thoughts. Do i really have to spell out why the continuous popping out of the word gay? I don't think i need to do so. anyways, I was mesmerized by blob's website, particularly his thoughts. It's so clean, crisp, direct, simple, what else? It's fun reading his thoughts and I never imagined I could really relate to something like that, thoughts of a total stranger in the wide world of internet.
thus, i am inspired to also have a place in the internet for my personal thoughts.. about gay l ife, about living independently, about being a nobody. yes, i associate gay life with being a nobody. because that's how i am. i have to be a nobody to be able to embrace gay life. it's assuming a different personality, one that is more honest and truthful than being a somebody.
I find this thing so cool, why haven't I been exposed to this before. I mean, publishing one's thoughts in the internet without being afraid of the whole world. Internet, i guess, is really for nobodies.

to blob and his life as it should be space, a total stranger yet one whose thoughts still linger in my mind, you've definitely concretized my sundays for nobodies.
It's good to realize though, sundays are always like these for me. a day to be a nobody. a day to share my thoughts. a day to enjoy just by being me...

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